My husband and I try to get out once a month without the girls for a grown up dinner, either with friends or as a date night. We also go out with the girls usually about every two weeks for a casual bite.
Every time I think ok I got this and EVERY time I slip up somehow. Either bite of the kids dessert or a side I can't tolerate or a sip/glass of wine. Do I know better? Yes! Can I follow through? No:(
Do I almost instantly regret it, absolutely. It is completely bumming me out to have this negative association with food and feeling dread where there should be happiness. I love going out for meals, getting out of the house, eating yummy foods, not having to cook/clean-up, feeling normal. Now a mini panic sets in( ok full blown panic), can I make it without messing up, will I be in pain, will I be vomiting all night, list goes on....
Last night John and I went to a local amazing restaurant for a date night. Before hand I prepped myself with I will stay strong, I will stay strong, I will make smart choices, I won't eat naughty things etc....
Looking at the menu full of delicious amazing foods made me so sad and deflated. I knew eating really any of them would result in a major flare up.
It made me wonder how many fellow GPers or people with different food sensitivities feel like this and how they deal? I have always had a extremely healthy love for food and eaten well but not restrictive. I have never felt hate, fear, jealousy, starvation, turmoil over food, until now! And I am having a difficult time excepting and processing these feelings.
We ended up having a wonderful, happy, cozy night enjoying each other and being kid free to catch up uninterrupted. I got a roasted garlic app which had an olive and tomato temenade. Garlic raw or lighted cooked bothers me but slow roasted it seemed to digest well. I had a few sips yes just a few of Pinot noir and the appetizer and made it home feeling great! It was a small victory and a great night.
-JVW
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